Year for Priests: A hospital bedside marriage

By Maryknoll Father Michael J. Snyder
One in a series

DAR ES SALAAM, Tananzia — I had been away from Tanzania for one month enjoying a vacation with family at home.  The highlight of the vacation was presiding at the marriage ceremony for my niece.  Joined by over 200 guests, it was a great occasion for family and friends at a beautiful church and reception hall in New Jersey.  It was a day filled with celebration and joy.

Upon returning to Dar es Salaam I continued with ministry at the Muhimbili University of Health and Allied Sciences where I serve as the Catholic chaplain.  On my first Sunday back, after celebrating Mass at our university hospital chapel, there were some people who wished to see me.  They had a sick person who they feared was in danger of death.

The patient was a woman in her mid-30s.  Her husband and two relatives came with a request.  The woman, Anna, has suffered with stomach cancer for several years.  She has received treatments and has been in and out of hospitals throughout the ordeal.  Although they have one child, Anna and her husband, Valentine, have not yet had their marriage blessed in the church, a condition so common in Tanzania today.  Valentine, fearing that Anna may soon die, came to request that I come to the ward and bless the marriage.

After gathering some details I went with Valentine to see Anna.  She was indeed very ill, nothing but bare bones.  But, she was conscious and alert.  I asked Valentine to sit on the bed next to his wife.  I explained to Anna that I had come to bless her marriage.  She was grateful.  Some nurses gathered around the bed and, together with the two family members, I conducted a marriage service.  While beginning the prayers in Swahili I had an immediate flashback to my niece’s wedding of just one week ago!  As Valentine and Anna exchanged their vows I could feel a lump in my throat.  When it came to rings, of course there weren’t any.  So I did some quick thinking and improvised, asking that each simply repeat these words: “Anna (Valentine), accept my word of promise as a sign of my love and fidelity to you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

The two weddings were so different.  Instead of a beautiful church in New Jersey, our service was conducted in a hospital ward in Dar es Salaam on a bed with sheets stained with Anna’s pain and suffering.  From the richest to among one of the poorest countries in the world I was struck by the contrast!  Throughout the service I sensed the tears coming to my eyes and had to work to hold them back.  After the wedding ceremony, Anna and Valentine received holy Communion for the first time since their marriage eight years ago.  As the service ended, despite the contrasting scenes, I realized there was something so much in common with my niece’s wedding: it was that moment of great joy and celebration when Anna and Valentine were announced husband and wife.  As they held hands on the bed, those present shrilled the sound of ululation, the traditional African expression of joy. Anna’s constant physical pain was suddenly eased by the joy of love shared between them.  In taking care of his wife, Valentine was a living witness to the promises they shared: “I promise to be faithful to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.  I will love and cherish you all the days of my life.”

Two days later, Anna passed away.  How grateful I am for this brief encounter with Anna and Valentine.  May she rest in peace!

Fr. Michael J. Snyder is a member of the Catholic Foreign Mission Society of America, commonly known as Maryknoll. A native of New Jersey, he was ordained in 1979 and assigned to work in Tanzania, East Africa. In addition to various parish assignments, Fr. Mike served as the regional superior for the Maryknoll priests, brothers, and lay missioners working in Tanzania (1989-1995). In 1996 he returned to the U.S. to serve on the General Council for Maryknoll until 2002. Fr. Mike also served as vocation director for Maryknoll for seven years. In 2007 he returned for missionary service in Tanzania where he resides today.

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3 Responses

  1. What a beautiful story!

  2. Thank you for sharing what is a great experience and will help teach others the true meaning of marriage vows.

  3. Asante sana Pd. Mike kwa habari hii ya kuwa karibu na Neema. Nami daima nilifikiri ndimi peke yangu nalia mara kwa mara nikiona Furaha kati ya Mateso. Juzi alifariki Mama ambaye nilimfahamu na amesumbuka kwa muda mrefu na Cancer, alikuwa mtu wa Imani kubwa, ingawa aliteseka sana lakini alibaki na Imani mpka mwisho. Nawe pole kwa kuonja mateso ya wengi hapo Muhimbili. Habari hii inanifanya nielewe zaidi mwaliko wa Kirstu -Mark 10:17-30; the work of embracing of what is of God;Mercy, compassion, justice and reconciliation.

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